Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
