please come you make the beer taste better
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
