you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
