I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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