there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
