Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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