I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
