The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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