So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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