mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
