i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
