last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
