We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
