he wants to bone in the snuggie
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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