Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
