haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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