In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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