He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize