dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
