He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize