i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
