i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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