I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
