It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
