i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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