Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
