exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
