i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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