My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
