Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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