At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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