Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
