Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
