So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
