i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
