in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
