i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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