I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize