I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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