I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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