That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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