My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
