i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
