My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
