Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
