I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
