I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
