I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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