so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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