ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
