I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
