Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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