How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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