She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
