i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
