the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
