Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
