I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
