His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This house was built for laser tag.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
