So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
