We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
