just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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