haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
