This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
