I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
