I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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