That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
