if you like me you must not know who I am
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
