the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
