You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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