insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
