when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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