was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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