its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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