How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
