I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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